I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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