I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize