apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
