I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
