This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
