laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
