At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
