somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
