i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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