I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize