please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
