i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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