the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
