So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
