Operation Purity has been aborted
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
