tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
