I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
