I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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