Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize