Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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