By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
