WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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