Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
