Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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