I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
