We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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