Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
