I love black thongs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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