so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
