Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
