my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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