I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
