wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
