Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
