Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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