just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
