"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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