Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
