No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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