you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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