Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
