I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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