i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please come you make the beer taste better
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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