I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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