The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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