You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
