yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
