dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
