Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
