life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
