He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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