I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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