Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
