Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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