Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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