and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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