Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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