You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
