I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
