before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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