There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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