Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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