when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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