we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize