you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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