I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
