I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
