just come out here and I will go home with you...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
