Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My bed smells like the plague
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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