They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
