What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
