She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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