My underwear smells like fireworks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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