Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
