Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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