craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
