**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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