I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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