I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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