I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
