Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
