Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
