apparently the secret to your success is patron
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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