I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
