I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
