I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
