you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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