Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
