you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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