His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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