he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smell like Dick and happiness
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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