Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
