I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
